There Is A Pain That Teaches, That Sculpts And Connects Us With Others

There are two types of pain: one capable of closing us in on ourselves, one that creates trauma, one whose wounds no longer normally enter the light. The other is the one that teaches us, the one that gives us a heart of graphene and an immeasurable strength that ignites in us the ability to connect much better with others, to be more sensitive and receptive to the suffering of others.

Dante said that whoever knows about pain knows everything. But does it mean that we are almost forced to suffer to acquire a true learning of what life is? There are discrepancies. In fact, we could say that with regard to the psychological plane and this more intimate, atomic and at the same time strange scenario that characterizes our inner universe, there are details that should be broken down, refined and tacked together.

The first thing to consider is that pain arises from the brain. It is he who, after receiving certain signals from the surroundings, the body, and the senses, interprets in a few seconds and immediately decides whether or not to create a sensation of pain. It’s like an alarm, like pushing the panic button when you’re being attacked, when something or someone goes against your own physical or emotional well-being. Against your own survival.

However, and here is undoubtedly the most interesting, every sign of pain felt and perceived has a purpose. These are warning signs that we cannot ignore and that we must react to. When we put our finger in a fire, the brain sends out a signal of intense pain, but when we take it out, it immediately sends out a series of neurochemicals with which to alleviate the suffering.

So, on the emotional plane, almost the same thing happens as on the physical. When we suffer a trauma, when we experience a disappointment, a rupture, etc., the brain also interprets these facts as aggression, as true “burns”. Pain is a direct invitation to react, to act, to put into practice certain coping strategies, to take our hand away from the fire. The learning gained from this is never forgotten.

the pain and happiness

It was Aldous Huxley who taught us that living in a state of endless pleasure can create true dystopian societies, just as we saw in his book Brave New World. While the idea of ​​endless pleasure seems idyllic, the truth is very different. Somehow, we could say without fear of error that human beings need “small” touches or stabs of pain to experience the contrast of pleasure.

For example, few things can be more comforting on a cold winter’s night than coming home and sipping hot chocolate. Athletes, in turn, also experience a remarkable euphoria after intense physical exertion, when endorphins and other endogenous opioids bring a feeling of well-being so comforting that it relieves, in a way, the pain of a body pushed to the limit. .

If we say, therefore, that pain can increase the feeling of pleasure and happiness, it is not a contradiction, it is not an irony. There are many studies published about this relationship, such as the one published in the magazine “Personality and Social Psychology Review”, which explains that the specific suffering and properly managed and faced promotes the sensation of pleasure and keeps us connected with the world around us.

Let’s think, for example, of all the times in our lives when we were strong. The moments when we had no choice but to be brave. It was perhaps an illness, perhaps a loss, perhaps the worst disappointment of our lives, or the most traumatic of humiliations.

Having overcome the twirling of this inner journey, which is painful at times, very hard and at the same time always private, we now have an exceptional psychic tendon. Thanks to him we feel freer, more worthy and with better tools to enjoy and build our own happiness.

Manage pain, learn to stop suffering

At the beginning of the text we said that emotional suffering is interpreted by the brain as a real burn. We are not the ones who say this, it is not a frivolous metaphor, but an evident truth that was demonstrated by an interesting research published a few years ago in the scientific journal “Proceedings of the Natural Academy of Sciences”.

Thanks to neuroscience we know that when someone says that “the pain is in your head” they are not mistaken, it is real and true, because there is a very complex structure, the anterior cingulate cortex, which does not distinguish between psychic and bodily pain; for him everything is the same, and that’s why emotional suffering sometimes seems devastating…

But if suffering is located in our head and is governed by the brain, is it possible to “turn it off”? The first thing many people think about is drugs. Well, it is worth remembering that neither analgesics nor antidepressants are the solution, because what they do is numb the pain in the cingulate cortex, but they never manage to soothe or resolve the emotional anguish.

Pain, and this is important to remember, is an alert. It is the incandescent beacon that warns us from the shore that there is an imminent risk, that we could crash into the reefs. If we decide to hide in the basement like a stowaway, we won’t solve the problem: the risk will remain there.

Therefore, the only possible way out is to change course, raise sails and take the helm of our own lives to seek calmer seas, more favorable currents and more cheerful winds. The learning gained from the experience will make us unique and will connect us much more with life.