The Person Who Broke Your Heart Cannot Be The Same Person Who Will Fix It
Remember this: the person who broke your heart cannot come back to mend it. Don’t make that mistake, don’t think that your return is the solution.
Do not go back for fear of being alone, for fear of not knowing how to develop for life without this person by your side. Because dysfunctional relationships, if not handled properly, don’t magically lose this characteristic overnight.
Remember that when you were broken, your mind was filled with arguments that spoke for a life without that person. It kept hurting and you kept having reasons to want to be by her side, but you wanted to convince yourself that her company wasn’t the best thing for you.
Everything we ran away from is doomed to repeat itself
Time passes and conflicts are repeated. Humiliation, suspicion, the pain of a badly healed wound. Everything we ran away from without resolving is doomed to repeat itself. Freud theorized this fact in 1920 in his book The Pleasure Principle, calling it the repetition compulsion.
This means that people tend to trip over the same rock (each on his own, of course). It means that when our rock is establishing a kind of relationship, we stumble over it systematically.
The fact that the rock we stumble on has “a name” or “a type” symbolizes that we tend to relate in the same way, to generate emotional dependencies, to seek love in a particular way and often in a specific person.
Therefore, we often face similar problems even though we are at different stages of our lives. Why does this happen to us? Because everything we ran away from is doomed to repeat itself. If we don’t reflect, if we don’t re-plan our decisions or our way of relating, we are doomed to make the same mistakes again.
When something breaks inside, nothing else is the same
When we break down, when we have a very intense pain inside, we want stability, the well-being that having this person by our side generated. Uncertainty breeds the certainty that “all the past time was better when we were together.”
Evidently, these relationships of dependence on an affective bond have a past built on a dysfunctional attachment style, but this is something that we can change thanks to the continuous re-elaboration that our experiences and reflections offer us.
We need to focus on forming new attachments, losing certain relationships, and changing. If experiences are very different and significant, the very content of representations, strategies and feelings can change the tendency to look for relationships based on dependence.
Fixing our emotional holes should be up to us. Rebuilding yourself is your own work; no one has the power or responsibility to do it for us. Let us be aware that every change process takes pain and effort with it.
Letting go of pain helps nurture self-esteem
Letting go of selfishness, interests and unjustified absences will help us to start a new stage, to sow and reap support for our self-esteem and grow emotionally.
Letting go, getting away from bonds that hurt us, means letting go, growing and creating a new life. A new life that launches itself as its own, that grows breathing psychological oxygen from an atmosphere fertile for change.
Covering pain with dirt is no guarantee of prosperity in a relationship. There are times when stories need to have an end.
This can distress us, but the immediate consequence is the rebuilding of ourselves and harmony with our inner self. It’s about being honest and demanding with our company and emotions. It’s not always easy, but it’s necessary.
