Stop Playing The Victim

Saying goodbye to victimism once and for all is the key to achieving a passionate and happy life. Nobody likes to be a victim, but the truth is that putting yourself in this position in a fictitious way offers certain advantages that are sometimes difficult to give up. For example, it appears that it is a position that legitimizes the request for care and attention, when otherwise they could not be claimed.

Sometimes life is hard and difficult, both for ourselves and for the rest of the world. Everyone at some point along the way will suffer adversity. Some are harder, others are lighter, but it is certain that obstacles are also part of this gift of living.

That is, we do not have the ability to choose what will happen to us in life, at most we can make more or less correct decisions, but nothing guarantees us to escape the pain. Now, we can always choose how we prefer to face the problems.

Being stuck in the victim role

We all know someone who is always complaining about everything, taking on the role of a damaged or wounded person, who is used to blaming the world or others but who does little to get out of this dark well in which he is supposedly immersed. Sound familiar?

They are people caught up in the victimization mechanism, that is, the tendency to think that they are miserable, that they are the favorite target of bad luck and that others are mean to them and want to harm them, when reality says something different. They may actually be believing this because of a perceptual distortion, or it may simply be an exercise in simulation.

The people around her try to help her in vain, which does nothing but reinforce her pessimistic attitude. In the end, everyone ends up suffering, although the one who suffers mainly is the victim person himself, because deep down he rarely stops feeling bad about himself. She usually has a low self-esteem and thinks that just putting herself in the role of victim will deserve affection and attention.

How to recognize a person who plays the victim?

She wants others to acknowledge her suffering

When her circle tries to help her, she feels attacked so that she tries to reinforce her state, that is, that they give her words and phrases such as “poor thing”, “how bad is life for you” or “you are unlucky , what bad luck you have”. If someone tries to encourage her to take charge of her life and try to find solutions, she gets offended and thinks that the person doesn’t want to understand her or put herself in her shoes.

Try to blame others and life

Earlier we commented that, although it is true that life brings a lot of bumps, there are also people who get depressed easily and others with much greater adversity who remain standing and continue living normally.

Blaming others and the world is useless, this attitude only maintains the problem or reaffirms us as victims without resources. Victimists do not look for solutions to solve their adversity, but complain about how unfair life is and how they are unlucky until they exhaust themselves and others.

Manipulate others emotionally

It is a strategy often used by these people, since through the tactic of causing feelings of sadness in others it is easier to get certain privileges.

Some phrases that come to mind in relation to this point may be: “I raised you since I was little and now you are going to live with your girlfriend and you will leave me alone”, “If you get good grades, Mom will heal”. In this way, the person feels responsible for the emotional state of the other and will do everything possible to please them, even if they have to violate their own rights and needs.

What to do with these people?

Just don’t join your game. If we stick to the blackmail and laments of those who exercise the role of victim, we will be reinforcing this conduct and we will not be helping, but harming them. The problem is that doing this is very difficult because our culture teaches us since childhood that it is necessary to feel compassion for those who suffer and help others, even if our own interests are relegated to the background.

Anyone would surrender to her grievances and welcome her, but that is certainly not the solution, because it would be reinforcing that she is incapable of getting out of it and that the solution is to complain and do nothing. It is difficult, but if we know how to correctly identify a victimist attitude, we will try not to give in and help them so as not to reinforce their attitude.

We can say that we are there to look for a solution to the problem, but not the one they bring, but the one that we see. To do our best to get out of this position, but not to listen to complaints or to become infected with negativity. If this is not the case, the victimized person will not become aware that their strategies have no effect and that they should think about changing their attitude.