Ghosting: The Cold Strategy Of Erasing And Blocking People To End Relationships

We’ve all used the “block” button on our social networks at least once in our lives. Or at least we erased someone. Sometimes this is better for us, or even necessary. But it can also be cruel if it concerns a cold strategy to end a love relationship or friendship, also called ghosting. Just one click and that’s it, the person disappears. Thus, a distance is established and there is no other option but silence. And that’s all without any explanation.

Social networks, whether we like it or not, are often a reflection of our real life. In each like, each written word or each published photo is there, printed, some characteristic of our personality. Virtual algorithms are reflections of our essence and our behavior. The developers programmed them for this, and we can figure it out ourselves. Therefore, nothing that happens online is by chance.

Blocking or deleting people can be a useful behavior in some cases.

The behavior of users on Facebook, Twitter and now Instagram has been changing in recent years. We could say that somehow it is maturing. Today, the number of friends is not as valued as it used to be. Previously, it was sought to accumulate a huge number of friends on social networks, but today this is no longer so valued. The older the person, the easier it is to observe this tendency. These people want to make more serious, professional or productive use of their social networks.

For this, the strategy of blocking or deleting people is not only adequate but also necessary in some cases. With this action it is possible to avoid the famous spam or unwanted messages – those annoying users who have nothing to offer us or who simply annoy us. We try with this to separate the wheat from the chaff. Furthermore, with this action we are also reaffirming the well-known Dunbar number theory.

This theory was proposed by anthropologist Robin Dunbar in the 1990s. According to him, people can have more or less significant relationships – know at least a little – with a maximum of 150 people. In these relationships, we can also include users with whom we interact in a habitual and enriching way on social networks, even if we don’t know them personally.

That’s why, nowadays, we are more likely to use filters in the virtual world, to try to control the amount of information and harmonize our lives. We took it a step further, and most are looking for the same balance that is sought in real life on social media.

Ghosting: Ending Meaningful Relationships With Just One Click

So we already know that we generally seek to reduce contacts in these cybernetic societies in order to have the same balance that we seek in real life. Something that at first glance may seem quite positive, in reality it is not so much: there is also a very cruel side to this behavior. The reason is this: we often integrate those actions that are normal in the virtual world into our repertoire of real-world actions.

Thus, there are people who, faced with a disagreement with a co-worker, choose to block the person or delete them from their social networks in retaliation. Others even do it with friends. To make matters worse, this dynamic arrived in love relationships with what we now call ghosting, which is a reference to the word ghost in English: ghost. This is the practice in which one person of the couple leaves the other without any possibility of contact and of seeking any explanation in the face of blockages on social networks. Thus, in addition to just having the option of silence, the person is also unable to see their ex’s social networks.

Some people may think that by eliminating someone from their virtual world, they can also make the other disappear from the real world. Perhaps they think that the other party will readily understand and understand this action. What this type of practice generates, however, is nothing but suffering. Victims are suspended in an emotional limbo in which it is very difficult to reflect on the meaning of what happened, understand it and give a closure to the situation.

Now, as desperate and immature as these actions and behaviors seem to us, there is something important to reflect on. We shouldn’t just blame the technology, nor should we blame the creators and programmers of the social networks we use every day. These virtual sets just reflect the world we live in, and ghosting reflects the communication difficulty that is often inherent to human beings.

Blocking or deleting people with one click makes life for those who have difficulty communicating much easier. It’s quick, painless for those who do it, and the best thing is that it avoids that face-to-face meeting with the person in which phrases like “I don’t love you anymore” or “I don’t want to be with you anymore” or “I don’t want you in my life anymore for these reasons”. The human being has a relationship with the ability to communicate effectively that is not the best. With the development of technology, we are creating an even greater distance between what happens and what is ideal.

The ideal is to learn to deal with people and our problems in the real world. Because the delete button on our cell phones and social networks, in the end, doesn’t solve any conflict in our everyday life.