Emotional Withdrawal Syndrome: The Pain After An Affective Breakup

The emotional withdrawal syndrome appears after a marital breakup. Letting go of this affective bond is not an easy task, even more so because the psychological suffering experienced is usually devastating for the brain. This process is very similar to the withdrawal syndrome experienced by addicts, a kind of neurochemical chaos from which it is not easy to disentangle.

Each one knows in their own skin what this experience is like. Teenagers know when they experience a breakup for the first time, the pain of distance, or the disappointment of rejection. Adults also know, because there is no point in having an extensive life experience when all of a sudden this happens and love ends, when infidelity arises or when we simply become aware that it is necessary to end a relationship with no future or extremely painful.

Letting someone out of your life, when you’re still in love, hurts a lot. Getting used to the absence, assuming the ultimate end and the obligation to rebuild life without that person is something we are not prepared for. However, we do this, and this achievement gives us inner strength and sensible psychological resources.

However, the real problem appears when someone, instead of overcoming what happened, falls into an obsessive cycle, into a vicious circle of new opportunities, in the need to get in touch, to beg for attention, to ask for a love that is already over and impossible. We refer, as no, to a profile characterized by affective dependence, and where the emotional withdrawal syndrome gives this person a state of absolute vulnerability and extreme suffering.

Emotional Withdrawal Syndrome or the Impossibility of Saying Goodbye

Carlos is 30 years old and has ended a romantic relationship for seven months. He met Paula during high school, aged 16. They studied together at university and later started a small business together. Her last years were not easy, the debts, a company that was never successful and Paula’s dismay with a project that never moved forward ended up affecting their relationship.

Despite Carlos’ insistence on continuing the relationship, she ended up leaving him after a conversation where she explained clearly and honestly that there were no second chances. That their relationship ended there. However, despite the explanations, Carlos keeps trying to get in touch with her. He looks at her social networks daily and thinks of ways to find her.

Our protagonist is not only obsessed with resuming this relationship. Currently, he is unable to work or perform any other activity. His emotional withdrawal syndrome is so intense that it has converted him into a shadow of himself, into an emotional dependent plunged into an anxiety-depressive cycle.

Next, let’s look at more characteristics associated with this type of profile.

The 5 Characteristics of Emotional Withdrawal Syndrome

One thing that should be made clear is that, generally, when we end an emotional relationship, we can all experience the emotional withdrawal syndrome. However, this is nothing more than a phase of pain, a step that should motivate us to execute smart and useful accountability strategies. A series of resources that will allow us to find the way to maturely overcome this rupture.

• However, this psychological condition marked by stagnation and persistent suffering is common in people with low self-esteem, characterized by a strong emotional dependence on their spouse.
• Another characteristic feature of the emotional withdrawal syndrome is the lack of conviction about the end of the relationship. There is a clear denial there.
• Anxious and obsessive behavior is another feature. They are unable to fulfill “zero contact” with their ex-spouse, they will always find an excuse to search, get in touch, call…
• Also, and not least, addicts are unable to tolerate emotional pain. They lack tools to manage this feeling, feel paralyzed and react in the face of suffering looking for more opportunities.
• Finally, we must not forget all the complex intense and exhausting symptoms that clearly affect personal health: insomnia, loss of appetite, concentration problems, lack of interest in life, discouragement, etc.

How to face the emotional withdrawal syndrome?

Carlos, the boy in our example, shows all the psychological and behavioral traits of the emotional withdrawal syndrome. In his case, what he needs, above all, is the help of a professional and adequate psychological therapy. No one deserves to live in such a helpless state, no one should stop loving themselves that way, to the point of being suspended in a meaningless existence and such a destructive state of emotional suffering.

On the other hand, in the same way that we have reached this extreme or if, in due course, we are facing an emotional rupture, it would be appropriate to reflect on the following strategies. Essential secrets to consider:

• Suffering from emotional withdrawal syndrome, within certain parameters of intensity and duration, is completely normal. However, it must be assumed that it is something temporary, a state that must give way to a more balanced, focused and strong state.

• Accept negative emotions like sadness and desolation. These are moods that sooner or later will pass to favor acceptance and overcoming.
• “Zero” contact is basic in these cases. It is essential not to have the ex-spouse on social media or contacts. It’s the first step to disconnect from his life, avoiding falling into perverse dynamics.
• Making changes in life is rewarding. Something as simple as making new friends or pursuing other hobbies will be very helpful in “freeing the mind”, to break the cycle of obsession.

Throughout this process, we will not overlook other valuable aspects such as self-esteem, dignity, values ​​or vital purposes. An affective break should never be seen as the end of the world, but as the end of a stage and the mandatory beginning of something that will undoubtedly bring good things and a version of ourselves that will be stronger and even stronger. more beautiful.