Avoid Telling Someone With Anxiety Not To Worry

What can we say to someone with anxiety? How to react to a friend, sister or close person who is about to have a panic attack? Something quite common is to recommend that the person “calm down” and “don’t worry”. However, avoid telling someone anxious not to worry.

In fact, the effect these words can have can be exactly the opposite of what we expect – even if we do it with all the good intentions in the world.

For starters, anxiety is not something a person can control. So much so that the anxious brain works differently. There is no “power off and start button”. The mechanism is more subtle. So what we end up achieving with our recommendations is to generate more pressure and increase discomfort.

Albert Ellis, in his book You Can Be Happy , says that anxiety generates misplaced mental anguish. It’s intense and devastating that completely limits human potential.

Now, an interesting aspect that stands out is that the first step in managing it is not to block it, but to accept its presence. Emotional pain is another part of who we are, and no one is exempt from suffering.

Therefore, when we are next to someone with anxiety, we should avoid expressions like “relax, don’t get so obsessed, stop worrying, what’s happening to you is just in your mind”.

With these phrases, we will block communication, preventing the other from giving an accurate report of what is happening to him.

Avoid telling someone anxious not to worry

A person with anxiety would like to calm down. If there’s one thing she’d really like to do, it’s to let go of that pain in her stomach, that muscle tension, that tachycardia and the noise of disturbed thoughts, so hard to control.

Also, when someone goes through this psychological reality, they often feel that they are about to have a heart attack or completely lose control.

So telling someone with anxiety not to worry is like telling someone who is drowning to get out of the water. He can’t help it and, in reality, he needs a more valid kind of help.

There is also another aspect that we must take into account: anxiety usually appears unannounced. Often, it is not even necessary to face a more or less stressful situation, such as a lecture, a job interview, a doctor’s appointment, etc.

The anxiety demon appears in the most innocent and unsuspected situations: while talking on the cell phone, at a dinner with friends, when we go into the bathroom at our work or university, or even when we leave home to go to work.

In these situations where anguish arises, it is common for someone close to insist that there is no reason to worry, because nothing will happen, because everything is inside of us. These comments only make the situation worse.

Less advice and more empathy

Avoid telling someone anxious not to worry. Not even asking her to relax and take life more smoothly.

Don’t do either of these two things for a simple reason: the anxiety-ridden brain doesn’t respond, it’s alert, and it’s incapable of processing orders, suggestions, and well-meaning words. And if he does, he’ll see our advice as useless, because if there’s one thing he really hopes for, it’s empathy.

Sometimes it’s better not to say anything. Just be there, stay close and make the person see that we are by their side for whatever they need. There will be time to look for suitable strategies, but there are times when it is better to be a beacon of light, a fortress of balance in the face of those who deal with its tides, crises and storms.

On the other hand, something that studies indicate, such as those carried out in the department of psychopharmacology at the University of Chemin de Ronde, in Paris, is that the brain of the person with anxiety is a slave of substances such as cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline.

It is very difficult to think clearly about these states. Therefore, advice is of little use in these circumstances.

What to say to someone with anxiety?

If we ask ourselves what to say to someone with anxiety, the answer is simple: instead of saying it, do it. Instead of resorting to advice, to unfortunate but well-meaning phrases, just observe, be close and try to understand what the other is going through.

First of all, understand that there are many types of anxiety, and that what might be good for someone may not be right for the person next to you.

So the best thing to do is ask questions like, ‘How can I help you?’ or ‘I know you’re distressed right now and you can’t control yourself, so let’s take a deep breath together.’ Sometimes it’s enough to be a close, serene, reassuring presence.

Later, we can help this dear person to seek specialized help, but for now, it ‘s better to know how to be around, give affection and empathy. It’s easier than it sounds.