As Difficult As A Child May Be, Never Fail To Talk To Them Lovingly
I know that sometimes we are very tired, saturated with so much information and responsibilities. All our frustration turns into frowns and harsh words we throw at our loved ones. Many of these people are small children, children who do not understand the reason for our irritation: we exchange the “nice talk” and affection for harsh words, full of unnecessary adjectives that refer cruelly to what they “always do or are”.
How many parents notice that they throw at their children words like “you are a fool”, “behave yourself” or even “idiot”? The person who sees this behavior from the outside is surprised by such an immature attitude. However, maybe that parent doesn’t know how to handle such a high level of demand. Could it be that at some point we didn’t act like that too?
It takes effort. Children are not to blame and do not deserve to be dumped our problems on them in such an unfair way. They are beginning to live and whatever we say to them today, whether it is a positive message or a negative message, they will forever hold in their hearts.
Talking with affection will be better than screaming
Parents believe that a shout or punishment is more effective than a good conversation because the results are immediate. But they forget that in the long run there are some undesirable side effects. Children cannot defend themselves, feel humiliated and will discover a feeling called “resentment”.
At first, talking affectionately to children in the face of bad behavior may seem like it won’t work. However, this is not the case. A good conversation will always be more important; younger children, even if we don’t believe it, understand much more than we think.
If we explain to them what they did wrong, how they should proceed and end the conversation with a hug, we will be teaching them that making mistakes is human and that the important thing is to learn from mistakes. They will understand that we are sending them a clear message: “I trust you, next time you will do better”.
Tenderness, love, compassion and comfort will be engraved in the depths of the heart of this little person we love so much and who still has a lot to learn. This message we try to convey, children will understand throughout their lives; we may not see an effect as immediate as a spanking, but in the long term we will see good results. We will see how our children educate their children and we will be proud of them.
Do we want our children to be afraid of us? Do we seek your respect through fear? This is not the kind of learning we want to convey. A negative word or an insult can cause insecurity, low self-esteem, unnecessary fears… I know we are very busy, but we have brought into the world a person who deserves all our attention, our love and all our good deeds.
The power of affective discipline
Aggression will promote more aggression and behaviors we don’t want. For example, if our child does not understand our screams, he will learn not to listen to us. However, if we put into practice the affective discipline, where there are subtle and delicate calls for attention, the results will be much better. It’s hard to act that way if our parents didn’t treat us like that. Without realizing it, we will repeat the same pattern of behavior.
We often don’t want to act the same way as our parents, but maybe that’s because we don’t stop to think about how we’re treating our children. It is very important to reflect on this. Perhaps we feel nostalgic for not having received all the affection that our parents could give or did not know how to show properly.
This is all normal. No parent has an instruction manual that indicates the best course of action. Despite this, it is necessary to be aware of everything that the child experiences in their childhood, because speaking with affection will affect them in a positive way, and releasing their frustrations on them will affect them negatively.
Everything that happens in childhood marks us deeply and interferes with our future. Children are born predisposed to love. Learn to know them, give them affection and seek that point where we can capture their attention so that we can teach and guide them correctly. This must be done through love, not fear. Talking affectionately with your children is the best decision.
Images courtesy of Käthe Kollwitz, Claudia Tremblay, Soosh.
