Life Will Give You Everything You Need If You Believe You Deserve It
When a person assumes, understands and internalizes that he deserves to be happy, life takes a turn, the days orchestrate new opportunities, the locks open and enemies are transformed into statues of salt that the wind takes with them. Nothing can stop us when we see that we are deserving of joy and no one else has a voice to put fears in our wills.
Emily Dickinson said, quite rightly, that people ignore their height until they get to their feet. The most curious thing about all this is that it is often the education itself, society and the people we live with that, in general, prefer when we are seated, when we are submissive, quiet and obedient.
In fact, that’s exactly what happened to the Massachusetts poet, for whom her disappointments, fears, and sorrows ended up making herself isolated in her bedroom, in the family home in Amherst, turning into a faint shadow, in a skinny figure the neighbors could see through the windows. Of his 1,800 poems written, he saw only a few published. And of the people who were part of his life, he loved only one, but neither of them was brave enough to take the first step.
Those were other times, no doubt about it. In other mindsets it is clearer. However, curious as it may seem, the complex universe of emotions, insecurities and self-doubt is a refrain that never goes out of style. It’s like a moviola that never stops, that brings us the magic of a situation and lets it go, that teaches us what happiness is and gradually takes it, leaving us with the will, the sorrows, the memory and the regret .
Regret for not having dared to do “something else”, for not having fought, for not feeling worthy of this unique opportunity, for not having gathered enough courage to fight for that lost love…
you deserve a better life
Ana started going to the gym because she wants to lead a healthier life. She goes every day from 7 pm to 8 pm, but continues to smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. Carlos lost his job 9 months ago. He goes out every day to deliver résumés, but when he returns home, he starts to eat compulsively, so much so that his physical change is quite striking. Marta ended a very turbulent love affair a month ago and since then has obsessively accessed dating pages on the Internet with the idea of finding the “perfect match”.
All of these examples can be summed up in a central idea that we all know: as we seek balance in one area of our life, we go backwards in another in a worrying way. It’s as if we don’t fully understand that we deserve a better life and this often leads us not to take care of ourselves in a more complete, more integral way. Why do we do this? Why don’t we take full control of our reality to achieve well-being?
We must look for the answer to this question not only in our past, but in our own inability to take care of ourselves, to stimulate psychological well-being and, mainly, to deal with our own emotions. In the three examples cited, we saw that each person performs some specific actions: one goes to the gym, the other looks for work every day, and the last ended an unhappy and complex relationship.
However, the rest of the behaviors shape the common black holes: anxiety, uncertainty, fear of the future, inability to be alone, addiction to some substance… We all know we deserve a better life, but we don’t how to meet the real needs, those that inhabit a more intimate, deeper layer of our being…
Trust yourself, because being happy is not a necessity, it’s a right
Life will bring us more opportunities only if we put one foot in front of the other and go out looking for them. Happiness will only knock at our door if we are receptive, if we are attentive, prepared and above all… willing. Because anyone who lets himself be carried away by fears and insecurities will founder on the island of lost opportunities. Because those who surrender in the face of disappointments will sooner or later choose the same physical and mental isolation that Emily Dickinson imposed on herself.
In these times when we find happiness pills on Twitter and Facebook in the form of pretty phrases, there is something that we must never lose sight of. Something that critics of positive psychology remind us very well: we must learn to accept painful experiences regardless of the difficulties they impose on us. A goodbye, a disappointment or a failure is something that must be “swallowed”, without a choice… However, after diving into the chaotic abyss that are negative emotions, it is time to emerge. And we will do this by being even stronger. Feeling more and more valuable.
In our complex and demanding daily life, we must internalize that people do not deserve just to feel good, in peace, to feel satisfaction, freedom, success and the taste of joy. All these things are actually RIGHTS. Because it doesn’t matter what our history is, nor where we come from, nor who we are… We all have full rights to be happy and choose a way to do so.
