Withheld Anger Is More Dangerous
If you’re angry, why pretend not? Yes, yes, you often pretend and don’t say no. On many occasions, we pretend we’re not bored to keep up appearances and this, in addition to doing us a lot of harm, gives others clues about what they can do to dominate us.
The real problem is that you don’t know how to channel your anger and prefer to hide it. But that will come out sooner or later.
If we don’t care about learning to master anger, it’s because it’s an emotion we don’t think about, because we believe it’s not with us, or because we think we can master it. What’s more, we are often taught that we should avoid it so as not to allow for collateral damage around us.
This avoids very toxic situations, but completely repressing the annoyance can have negative consequences. I encourage you to look together at times when anger should not be repressed.
Repressed anger is causing you health problems
We tend to think of emotions as abstract in relation to our physical body, as if the body is a container for containing them and a means of expressing them physically. It turns out that emotions manifest themselves physically as well as in our thoughts.
Withheld anger can cause serious health problems, which, while seemingly unrelated, actually are. Some of these problems are headache, digestive problems, insomnia, increased anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, skin problems or heart problems (heart attacks, tachycardia).
You have to find a way to release and express this anger or it will finish you off.
Unprocessed anger causes a change in your behavior
We may feel good at first that we managed to control a tantrum so as not to hurt or offend anyone, but soon – probably – we will turn against other people (innocent or unrelated) because they pose a small threat to we. You don’t mean to harm them, but anger simmers inside you and it can cause your self-control to evaporate.
Repressed anger can also cause anxiety disorders, irrational fear, and anger. The emotion needs to come out, wherever it is.
How and where to put the limits
Realizing that anger is part of us is an important first step, because then we can begin to set healthy boundaries. Are we angry about something they are doing to others? Or is it anger caused by a personal wound from our past that is haunting us? Is it an insecurity on our part or is the other person really treating us badly?
The answers to these questions are discovered when we face our anger. This knowledge will give us the clarity to make good decisions about the relationships we have with others. We may have to step back to realize that others aren’t as bad as we thought they were.
People need to know if they are causing harm.
Even though sometimes people act with the intention of causing harm, the truth is that most of the time it is not and there is no intention to arouse our anger. And we know that. That’s why we repress anger. And if we feel guilty about our anger, we can internalize it and blame ourselves without addressing the real issue.
When we give ourselves the opportunity to get angry and analyze the reason behind it, we can become more aware of the cause. Thus, we will be able to use the necessary tools to release the anger slowly and without causing further damage, making a healthy exercise in self-control.
Experiencing anger can be enjoyable
Just as repressed anger will make you feel bad, letting it go will be comforting. It’s like taking a huge weight off your back. Experiencing anger in a conscious way is an entirely different experience from denial.
This can help us to know ourselves and understand why certain elements make us angry.
It’s not about living in a constant state of anger, it’s about not pretending it doesn’t exist. Anger is a natural human emotion and we have to give ourselves permission to experience it. Only in this way will we learn to express it in a healthy way and to avoid, not only that we are not dominated, but that it does not appear.
