I’m Looking For A New And Responsible Cupid Because I Fired My
After many years, many tears and disappointments, I made the decision to fire my Cupid.
He definitely doesn’t know how to choose well. He shoots his arrows without any direction and makes me go through impossible love after another. Therefore, from this moment on, I ask for a new, serious and responsible Cupid, who knows how to choose my partners well.
love is blind but you are not
Throughout life we have partners who have done us very well, more or less well, or very poorly. In these last two cases, we must think: What went through the head of this winged and blindfolded boy so that we fell in love with this person?
Cupid is, in Roman mythology, the god of love desire (its Greek equivalent is Eros). There are several versions as to its origin, but the most widespread maintains that it was the son of Venus, the goddess of love, beauty and fertility, and of Mars, the god of war.
He is represented by a boy with wings, blindfolded and armed with a bow, arrows and quiver.
Doctor Frances Cohen, psychologist and psychoanalyst, studied the theme of love from an organic perspective and states that, during the beginning of a love relationship, our brain deactivates the mechanisms that make us see the other individual’s defects.
The chemical elements that develop during the courtship phase produce a feeling of euphoria that, in addition to making us feel great, deactivates the instincts that would allow us to evaluate the other person.
But we cannot think that love is just feeling, reason must have a very important function.
It takes a great deal of will to maintain and carry on a good affective relationship, love alone is not enough.
Do Cupid’s arrows really exist?
When we walk on the street, we are on the bus, we are introduced to someone at a party, sometimes we feel a special attraction for a certain person, an arrow, a love at first sight.
An arrow is an intense attraction, an overwhelming passion for someone who alters our organism, our emotions and generates a very intense well-being, both in the presence of the person who attracts us and in his absence.
Syracuse University professor Stefanie Ortigue conducted a study that showed that the symptoms of a person in love originate in the brain.
Dr. Ortigue demonstrated that the feeling of love activates twelve areas of the brain that work together, releasing large doses of dopamine, oxytocin and adrenaline. And all these components generate a great feeling of euphoria.
Therefore, Cupid’s arrow (or, indeed, love at first sight) is not only possible, it also has a very important chemical component.
10 principles for not dying of love
The Argentine psychologist Walter Riso, in his book “Manual for not dying of love”, proposes 10 principles for affective survival, which are the following:
1. If they no longer love you, learn to lose and retire with dignity
The lack of love hurts a lot, but you have to learn and withdraw. Enough of remembering that unstoppable passion we felt as teenagers; we must feel what provokes us now: nothing.
There are no miracle pills against lovelessness, we must bear the pain with our strength.
2. Marrying a lover can be a risk
The relationship with a lover and the relationship with a lover who becomes your husband or wife are radically different, and we must think carefully about whether we are willing to accept these differences.
One of the most important questions you need to ask is: are you able to trust the faithfulness of your lover who is now sharing their life with you?
3. Neither with you nor without you? Run as fast as possible!
Many people in the world find themselves in love relationships in which one of the two people who make up the couple lives in eternal indecision. In these cases, if we want to avoid suffering, it is best to get away as soon as possible.
4. Those who need the other the least are the ones with the most affective power
It is about living relationships in a healthy way and with detachment. It is about being free, loving ourselves and at the same time sharing life with the other person.
5. A love for another love: sometimes both stay in the heart
In some cases, when ending a love relationship, we look for another person to replace the one we lost and this is not a good idea, it will make us unhappy and the other person can suffer.
We must get through our mourning phase, learn and enjoy solitude, and only when we feel good begin to relate to other people.
6. Avoid irrational sacrifice: don’t cancel yourself so your partner will be happy
If you think you must suffer for your partner to be happy, you have a problem. Generally, this is a self-esteem problem that it will be convenient to work on in order to have healthy and happy relationships.
7. If love cannot be seen or felt, it does not exist or does not serve you
You need to ask yourself a question: Does your partner love you the way you want them to?
If you don’t feel well or something worries you, speak up, communicate, let the other person know, or maybe that person isn’t right for you.
8. Don’t idealize the loved one; see it as it is, raw and without anesthesia
In the first phase of dating, as we mentioned earlier, we tend to idealize our partner and not see their flaws, but a healthy love has to be realistic, see the flaws and also the virtues.
9. Love has no age, but lovers do
It is possible to feel love at any age, but when there is a very large age difference between the couple, the relationship becomes complicated because the two people are at very different times in life. It is advisable to assess all these aspects and be very realistic.
10. Some breakups are a learning experience, they teach you what you don’t want from a love relationship
We must also learn from endings, what we don’t like, what makes us feel bad. It is necessary to elaborate a “wisdom of no”, that is, it may not be clear what we want from love, but we will know what we don’t want.
So it’s not about changing Cupid, but about changing ourselves to be able to love ourselves and others.
