Consulting Your Children On Everything Is Not Democracy, It Is Bad Manners

The way of bringing up children has undergone a major transformation over the last few decades. The family structure has   also changed dramatically. From a model that some called “mobile-children”, we moved to one in which children became the center of the universe for their parents.

The extended family gradually disappeared. Now, most families have only one child, and often only one father as well. For this reason, the child is the center of absolute attention for those responsible for their  education .  This did not happen before, when interest had to be distributed among several children and other family members, such as uncles or grandparents, who had a great influence on the education of the little ones.

This new model is almost always typical of the middle and upper classes. For this very reason, it implies an additional element that is worrisome. Children have also become a status symbol for their  parents. They are your “great investment”. There is a competition for who has the prettiest, most multilingual, most developed children. Definitely any positive adjective that might come to mind.

Excessive attention to children

The new parenting model seeks to produce more or less perfect children. It is characterized by maintaining constant supervision over what the children do on a daily basis. But not only that, there is also complete oversight of your future. Parents project a  promising future for them  from the moment they start walking.

In order for expectations to be met,  parents are often also careful so that their children do not go through any bad situation due to any problem they may have. Getting into trouble is not part of this education scheme, much less getting out of trouble without the help of parents, to know exactly what to do.

On the other hand, parents have become very insecure people. They fear exercising their own authority. They behave like a kind of coach  to their children, not like their parents. They project their own desires and goals onto them, and   are afraid of coming into conflict with the little ones, as the rejection of any of their actions can affect them too much. Therefore, they think a lot before setting limits.

the children of today

Creation viewed in this way does not seem to have hopeful results. It usually generates children who are insecure to face difficulties or needs. They don’t know how to act when they stop being the center of the universe. At the same time, it’s very difficult to make them understand that to get things done, they need to do more than they demand.

Children who grow up within this model have the feeling that they are better than others. However, at the same time, this perception disappears and changes with enormous ease. All their “self love” ends when they find themselves in a situation where others don’t applaud what they do.

These children are good candidates for addiction. If they’re at a crossroads, they’ll probably call for their parents before trying to resolve the situation on their own ; as adults, they will think that a good sign of love coming from their partner is that they put up with their demands without any kind of critical opinion. Deep down, no matter how many languages ​​they speak or skills they have developed, they remain emotionally helpless children.

Consult children’s opinions for everything

This new style of education gives rise to major authority issues. The idea that the child is a “miniature adult” is very harmful. Some parents think that if they consult their children’s opinion for everything, they will increase their autonomy, when the effect they achieve with this habit is, without exception,  the opposite. A 5 or 10 year old boy, in many ways, has no idea what is best for him and, on the other hand, to develop autonomy it is absolutely necessary to go through obedience.

The limits that parents impose are not a way to cut off their children’s freedom or development. Quite the opposite. It is the references that will make them feel the world as a safe place: this would give them a limit in which they could explore freely and without fear. Furthermore, they will learn that reality develops through an already established order and that it is not the child who will say how the world has to work, but the opposite.

The family is an institution of asymmetric relationships. Its main function is to accompany the individual in the process of insertion into a culture, and to enter into the logic of culture, it is essential that we renounce certain impossible desires. The desire to never lose, for example. The desire for everyone to fulfill our whims. And many others that arise in every human being.

There will come a time when children will try to change the world according to their style. But while they are young, they need to participate in the guidelines imposed by their parents. Contrary to what many insecure parents think, the process of setting limits is the best way to invest so they have a great future.