Lies: The Most Heavy Stones In Our Backpacks

Even if you don’t know the term “mitomania”, you’ve certainly heard of pathological or compulsive liars. Probably there is a movie or book in memory where the character had this problem and told countless lies. These films are sometimes cataloged in the comedy genre; however, far from being a fun thing, it is something really cruel and dramatic for the people who live it and for the people who cross its path.

It is a very serious problem that has painful consequences, both for the person who lies pathologically and compulsively and for the people who relate to him. Furthermore, it is especially difficult for people who have blindly trusted each other and would never expect what they have come to discover in time.

White lies need to be occasional, not habitual

Lying is a common act in the society we live in. The so-called “white lies” are nothing more than a last resort that we sometimes use to get out of a situation that brings us some conflict. Sometimes they are used to defend ourselves from others or to protect our own dignity.

From the concept of “I can’t be with you because I’m busy all afternoon” when in fact the afternoon is free, but we don’t feel like going out; even the “yes, you look very beautiful, this dress looks beautiful” when in fact that’s not what we think. In the first case, we don’t want to tell the other person that there is something that pleases us more than their company – we simply say “I can’t” instead of “I don’t want to” – in the second case we don’t want to cause the other person a displeasure saying she made a bad buy on the dress.

That they are “white” does not imply that it is necessary to resort to them constantly, as we lose authenticity with ourselves and with others. If we really don’t want to leave the house, we have every right not to feel like it and to express it that way to the other person.

We gain in honesty and authenticity every time we tell the truth

“Forgive me, but today I’m tired and I don’t feel like going out. How about if we do it another day?” With this simple phrase we gain a little more sincerity with the other person and with ourselves. However, these “little lies”, as they say, are not synonymous with seriousness or inconvenience, but rather a type of subterfuge that we learned as children to get out of some conflicts quickly and easily without hurting other people’s feelings.

Feelings that, lying or not, it’s not up to us to be hurt, but it’s up to the person we interact with. If my friend gets upset because today I don’t feel like leaving the house because I’m tired, it’s not my responsibility; but it’s my responsibility whether or not I lie to him.

Mythomania: a psychological disorder where lying is the protagonist

Pathological lies go far beyond all of this. They imply a jump in gravity that shouldn’t go unnoticed by anyone. These people invent experiences they didn’t have, they lie about their age, their profession, their past life, their academic or professional merits, the places where they lived… They also lie about the people around them.

Somehow they try to fill a void with these lies and their justification is something like: if I hate my life and my person, I can invent a character with whom everything I’ve always wanted happens. This makes others admire this person’s life, and he is immediately stimulated by it; then, she will continue to lie since she discovered that a priori there are no negative consequences for her, but that everything is “advantages”. Advantages that will turn into poison for your life and for those around you.

This form of lying generates another type of lies: compulsive ones. The person already lies automatically. It systematically avoids inner and outer conflict, and this turns into a fully ingrained and perfectly structured style of behavior. I avoid, using a lie, what creates conflict for me.

When they are discovered, they get angry and protect themselves by attacking

When the liar is discovered, he usually covers “the lie” with other lies. If he notices that the person has not easily believed him and continues to question him, he usually becomes defensive and protects himself by attacking. This ends up harming relationships, as this behavior cannot be understood from the outside.

This ends up generating distrust, and the people around you begin to live in a state of constant alert, as they feel they have to find the truth at any cost to be able to trust again.

The person who lies systematically and without noticing needs to give himself the opportunity to receive psychological help. Think that with your lies the only thing you do is try to plug a hole that keeps growing, and you do it by being an accomplice of falsehood and imagination.

We must accept who we are, accomplish what we want, without having to resort to lies. The only thing they do is move us away from what we really want in our lives.